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i, too, was a filthy child, born in a trailer in the woods that eventually became an amazingly cluttered house during my first few years. I had nearly no friends even though my mom always had me enrolled in Something, but never made me stick to any of it. The air was filled with phantasmagoria those days, all woods that made the cedars of lebanon tremble, snarks scuttling in the underbrush while i'd pour melted lead into carpenter ant holes and produce these fantastic sculpture-thingees with no one to share them with but my dad...my mom always doted on me, but all i got was her bleedin' heart, i always knew my brain was closer to pa's. Of course, that all shattered when i Woke Up for the first time at age eleven (yeah, i was slow, fuck off).
That was the day that my stuffed animals stopped talking to me. I had never known loneliness until that day, the world was full of smoke and magic and was my friend, and then it all stopped.
I became an Asshole for the next 22 years.
Perhaps it's time to abandon the fear woven into the human condition and admit that I have always been the Void, as we all have, that it's not so hard to drink the Pacific Ocean in a single gulp, as those Zen characters are prone to say.

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